I got the call 7/17/2019 at 7:15am when I got to my desk at work, this call I missed and it was from my bro which is very rare and only time he would call me especially at work if there was an emergency.
I returned his call and to find out that my mom has passed away. I told my boss right away and left work, on the way to the car I was having a hard time processing it and as soon as I got to my car I uncontrollably started to cry. From work, I head home and trying to hold back my emotion as much as I can and focus on driving home and as soon as I got home I put the car in neutral and E-Brake applied I just broke down and uncontrollably started to cry. Feeling that my mom is finally gone, remembering all that she has said. From there I am now flooded with soo much emotions and with soo many thoughts but I was also told my nephew didn’t know what happened yet so I had to force myself to stop and head to my room.
About an hour has passed since I got home, my brother brought my step dad over with my uncle bob where I was told the story after gripping my step dad in a hug and started to cry.
My mom, had her rough moments, she was a survivor, what has made this rough on me is that we was friends if not best friends for all my life. She was the one, when I had an issue I felt the easiest talk to and sometimes get friendly advice, aside from motherly advice because in essence she was more of a friend person than a mother. She was also known to be a very overprotected mom, but she also was wanting to be everyone’s mom too. She was a social butterfly at times and always trying to hook me up with other women out there especially from stores to restaurants. IF she was a sales person, she would make a large profit in sales alone but that was never her thing she always wanted to be a consoler and help other kids but she never had the chance to go back to school and get her GED.
She passed away between 6-7am on 07/17/2019 from an Acute Pulmonary Embolism as an instant death as soon as she got up from sleeping like she normally does she blackout and my dad found her less than 1 foot away from the bed face first on the ground. (Normally she would also text me around 6-7am every morning with “Good Morning”) She was not breathing nor had a heart pulse when my dad found her at 7am and she had no struggle or my dad would have woken up, as he is a light sleeper to begin with. My dad woke up at 7am, and called my brother after he called 911, and between 7 and 7:15 I got a call from my brother about it.
She had a hard life to begin with, a month ago she was crying to me about how the doc was diagnosing her with different symptoms from early stages of diabetes he also was having some other heart issues she lived with for so long on top of chronic migraines. She was also crying about high blood pressure was bad and being overweight and told me she is very afraid to die and doesn’t want to die especially the same way that her mom died when she was 18. (She found her mom one day after school on the ground that put her into a coma and later on the family had to pull the plug from life support)
So with little that I had and I had my money issues I couldn’t fully support her on what she wanted but I helped improvising the situation of hers by advising what to eat and not to eat and she did that as much as she could. Last week around 7/11 she got word from her doc that she lost over 23lbs in a month’s time but was told by the doc that she needed to go to the ER about the swollen leg and the pain from it, but she had a huge fear of the ER and had a lot of reasons not to. She procrastinated in going, and doing so 7/11 -> 7/15 I was dealing with some massive work drama that had me feeling I am about to lose my job over an accident that I didn’t find out until Monday night after setting up a lab and finding out the issue. Last time I spoken to my mom was on 7/15’s that night we spoken for over an hour on the phone and last thing we did say was “I love you” 7/16 she and I didn’t speak. I found it strange as she normally calls me unexpectedly.
Some good happy memories I’ve had with her, this past year I helped her leave a toxic house and moved to a trailer home that was new in a very nice community and it was closer to my house and to my nephew who she also loved to death as well. One of the many things she would tell me how much she loved it there how friendly everyone was around her and the people she was meeting. Because that was one of her issues that she felt so isolated and for the longest time she isolated herself from the world and it was my mission to un isolate her by forcing her out with me a lot of times.
2016 I won tickets to Formula Drift Long Beach and I decided to take her with me to it. Rented a hotel and we had Roscoe’s Chicken and waffles and another night we had Bubba Gump Shrimp. She loved both places and enjoyed every moment especially when we went to the beach shortly before we head back. This trip is what set her up on changing her ways with her drug addiction, that lead to stop her pill abuse that she was known to have for so many years.
Misc little things was when I was able to help with small things like bring by food when I can afford it when they had none or given into times of cigs because she was a chain smoker that refused to quit.
I would surprise her with stuff every now and then, that would always be a surprise to her, and she always enjoyed it.
Another happy moment was when I was diagnosed with cancer in 2003, she dropped everything including her drug addiction she had at the time to spend every day from the ER visit till my final chemo treatment with me. Her and my stepfather was there by my side from day 1 giving me support to keep a positive head and to truck forward to recovery.
When her brother passed away in feb of 2017, She ended up staying at my house as she was having a mental breakdown after returning back from Wisconsin, I did my best to help her cope with it until the point that she had to return home as she was getting overwhelming.
Her overwhelming part started shortly after I returned from Oregon in 2011, this is when she went to the hospital and where she had to be placed into an chemical induced coma. When she woke up (this was all from the toxic in her blood from a non-treated UTI that ended up in the blood shutting down her kidneys back then), she never really had been the same since. There was moments, at times (a lot of times, normally I call this a 2 week period times). That if she seen it in her dreams it happened in real life or if I said something in her dreams I also said it for real in rea life with this and mixed with the drugs she has been also have been taking at the time, It really has messed with her mind at times.
Our main issues that she and I always had is that she needed a financial crutch since her brother had a heart attack and had to retire. This point is she lost her major point of income and started to look at me because I took a casino job and assumed I made over 6 figures per year because I am in I.T. (this was far from that) and I always wanted my own life. I bought my house in 2014, moved out from sleeping on the sofa because the living situation turned toxic from the few years living there.
It’s was like, everyone was always telling me to cut the rope between Her and I, but in reality it wasn’t a rope to cut she wasn’t just mom she was a friend that understood me the most and almost always had my back.
She did had her moments, as she was also vindictive; she used her skills in a time of need. She was possibly a great hacker with social engineering she may have not of been a good speller or knew how to code, but she was defiantly one with the words and how to manipulate them with people to bend the rules and get things she needed or at times wanted. If she can bend or break the system without being caught. She would and if it was to feed her family, she did it. However, if it were on an emotional level if she felt threatened, she would use it against others especially the ones she loved.
In the end she had to deal with a lot of deaths in her life mostly family of who she loved from her father, mother, step father, and her brothers who she loved and cared about the most in her life. She never really seeked out the help for them and dealt with a lot of that pain inside and let it hurt her inside.
Before she met my stepfather she had many abused relationships especially being 6 years old, watching some guy physically beat her up and down a hallway that happened often and helpless to do anything about it.
Her only family she had left was my uncle (her last brother) who lived with her all her life, my stepfather, my brother, my brother’s family and me. My uncle is 72 year old and is operating on a pacemaker so she is had been super afraid that if he would pass away before she does that she will most likely have lost her mind completely.
My mom and best friend, in loving memory. 10-31-1959 to 07-17-2019.
