I have been deeply busy with work and late night streams on twitch.
Currently writing a biography. But when I am done, I have planned a World of Warcraft Podcast as a WoW Veteran titled: “WoW Needs to die” with a play through on dragon flight.
There is too much going around in politics and I hate politics, especially when it comes to this so called book that was created by man to control man “bible” and people who have to worship it and claim freedom, this be a contradiction for another story.
Alright, I spent the weekend creating and virutalizing my network to create a whole new environment for me again, kinda living it old school when I had multiple machines under my desk and I hosted stuff like crazy.
I’ve built a proxmox server, Slackware Containers, and Opnsense Firewall+IDS into the whole virtual environment. I went as far as acquiring an Cisco Catalyst C2960-CG and totally getting my network nerd on. Slowly re-migrating to local hosting once again.
I am going to think about how I am going to redo my discord communities as no one uses it, no one is helping me grow, no one is really doing much more than be a name in it. I might just right click and delete, re-create and segregate my topics to multiple servers and start over “per-se” IE, DC702 will have their own, Touge, WRnet:Sec and one for my personal stream and so on.
Because personally, I had and have disconnected from people who doesn’t seem to show the same support and effort I put in and it’s exhausting networking with people because I am an introvert, I get intimidated by people (everyone scares me and I get into a fight or flight mode too easy) and it’s frustrating and exhausting and if I don’t feel safe, I can’t support the people who I don’t feel safe around. I long for a friendships to be apart of, a circle of friends who don’t forget about me and my anxiety problems and helps boosts me as my life has always been on a down.
Anyways, if you want to help me test out the server feel free to DM on discord for the password.
I am out be back in a week.
Lately playing anytype of multiplayer game has been mostly on a solo road and I tried to battle that in hope that I would do something amazing solo to get someones attention but sadly the most I will catch is trolls to come in and attempt to ruin your night with words to stream sniping.
As I was grinding the event points in Hunt: Showdown. I’ve noticed that, the game is no longer fun for me to play solo and it used to be when I felt I was going to grow from it. Sadly I can have the best videos on YouTube or the best games alive an still not be noticed.
When there is no one to root you to the next level, you get bored and want to move on, no support, no help, not even to a point where you have friends who would pop in just to have a place to play with when you are live playing. But even when I’ve attempt to network, I feel like myself just gets ignored as both a streamer and a community.
I’ve spent 1 year streaming hunt showdown, placing videos all over on YouTube on my exploits and fun. But after a year of the grind, nothing improves and all stays the same and this just makes me want to move on.
Don’t get me wrong I love playing hunt showdown, the game is thrilling….. But I went down this road before…. what was that game? oh yeah! Sea of Thieves, this is the another one. I’ve streamed SoT for over 2 years I’ve posted videos of my greatest sneaks and steals but even tho I was inspired by one it turns out I wasn’t the only one and everyone else was attempting the same thing and because I am a nobody, all of the sea of thieves community doesn’t even see me… but… I’ve been down that path before too.
Warframe, dedicated 1 year of my stream and boosted it on the front page a few times and got the acquired partnership requirements with no problem at all, Oh heck I even got twitch partnership available (I can apply at anytime)… but rejected partnership multiple times with them as I’ve learned later on they strongly favored favoritism over the rules, thus I am no ones favorite. Hence, partnership rejected.
Meh, it is what it is. for now on I’ve decided I’m going to focus on playing solo games for when I am solo. If I get into a colab stream with someone else I’ll play the games I most like to play but other than that. I am going to focus on more solo content from now on, but them kind of streams are a popup kind off the schedule.
My schedule is 7pm PST till 11pm PST or later depending on the game.
I am a content creator, I create content on twitch and dlive.
If you or anyone I know wants to colab games together for my time please let me know I am always on discord, twitter, and so on.
Well I am going to cut some stuff out of my life and go down my path (unless another catastrophe happpens aka another shutdown, a war that actually involves my life, another death in the family, etc…)
Revisiting the CCNA – 200-301 for a critical backup ceritifcation and a potentially a career path changer as a temp solution till I go down the cyber security engineering path.
I can’t afford to live and learn certifications and such so I have to use what I know and take the certs. CCNA has been on hold due to financial reasons, a death and pandemic.
It’s time to move forward.
The quest to keep me away and far away from LVnet as a backup is my goal, unless they take my offer as an CISO I actually want nothing to do with them anymore.
When I work for them, my confidences drops, my self worth feels less than a KMART employee.. and this is caused by the bad management of it’s staff and how they treated me for over a decade with false promises. If I can’t be seen as an equal than I want nothing to do with that kind of toxicity.
I’ve been there, we all have been there.
Here is something that really hits the nail on the coffin, a twitch streamer (and / or company) giving away a computer.
But this is the problem, this is why most twitch streamers get frustrated and quit, especially how they where belitting people because they didn’t meet the high standards.
Any partnership program is like applying for an entry level position that also requires years of experience ontop of it.
Like for instance I’ve seen a company that is hiring for an entry level cyber security analyst level 1 but needs an CISSP to get it.
The major problem lays down to this and even game companies have these same level of entry especially for twitch streamers. (IE: Warframe, Crytec, Rare, SquareEnix, etc….) as we sit with a catch 22 with no major help, these places don’t want entry level people they want CISO’s(metaphorically speaking) for their analyst jobs. So that give away with Mr Beast computer from Artisan’s is given away to a CISO instead of a real lucky person who could use it and benifit from it more than that CISO could ever do.
I’ve been doing custom computer building since 1998, inspired by a local shop called EaglePC. After a sour deal that happened in 2010, I’ve been on the down low on building and doing it as per requested.
On stream with no strings attatched I’ve held computer giveaways but because of various companies. But because the lack of support is why I stop trying and the pandemic happened, I might try again if I can ever get the support is needed to boost my community and be heard.
Hi there,
I was taking some time and taking a step back from things, I was strongly thinking about giving up completely.
I was thinking, and I got my car started, and it hit me.
Maybe you have noticed or maybe you have not. I stream extremely casually right now as I am taking that step back.
Some ideas I was thinking of today.
1) Hacker Hour, start of my stream every night we hack something or build something. (Hint, I got slackware 15 release could vm it and build a vm for our hacking fun)
2) Hunt: Showdown nights and Sea of thieves nights for a few hours.
3) wrap up with an hour of MMO, currently sub’d Final Fantasy XIV, Final Fantasy XI, and Starwars the old republic.
My goal is if you don’t see me as me, then I have failed you. I am here to build my community and not be a liaison of another.
Hi there,
More thoughts today as it continues on.
I advertise that I am open for stuff, I offer and in due time I do fix things for people as requested.
I grew up hard in poverty, I struggled in poverty and I am still trending the poverty line and about to sink back into it, I am struggling to stay a float.
I do everything I can to make a name, like for instance I offer services from Graphic Design, web design and stuff but no one cares and they higher others who isn’t struggling like I am. I offer custom computer building (been doing so for over 20 years), and they reach out and have someone else do it. I see this stuff from people who I call friends and I still don’t know why I still do?
Here I am about to hit the unemployment line and / or homeless shelter as the world keeps increasing their prices on everything and I can’t make enough to keep at it. I am sinking and as long as I am not going anywhere with my business I am toast as things increase even more I can’t keep this up anymore.
I keep applying for better paying jobs that takes me away from my current role and different environment as I keep dreaming that one day I’ll see an increase boom of services / sales. But it’s been over 20 years of pushing, people like redmond computers who stabbed me in the back and pushed me out of Central Oregon with holding me against my will (sadly this was my only success I’ve ever had business wise). I almost made a successful business practice.
It just hurts you know.
I know I do an amazing job and offer an umbrella of services that I’ve placed into different catagories:
RavenPC -> Custom Computer building since 1999… (my dream was to do my own version of Alienware before dell bought them out) Believe it or not I still have a few clients who call me to build them a new system.
DorkMedia -> Graphic and Web Design since 2003, been somewhat in limbo but still have a few clients.
WRNet: -> This used to be an irc network circa 1999 – 2003 ish, with digital underground network, r00tabega and other networks at the time when IRC was the biggest thing. for IRC I still hang on genscripts.net as this is still an co-underground project that started with mIRC custom scripting in 1999.
WRNet:sec -> Broke away my Managed Services and Cyber security here was once apart of RavenPC as an al-a-carte and all since 2019.
2009 – 2011 I had a partner ship with another business model for ravenpc that ended up being redmondcomputers from central oregon, the owner horded all my money and when I questioned it, he stabbed me in the back and I was pushed to vegas and almost had to fight for my rights with a huge legal battle that got null and voided by 2012. Because of this trauma I’ve also have been struggling mentally with my confidence
I just guess in the end, I am apart of communities that should have acknowledged that I exist and know that I do these things as a service, to these communities I’ve became just a name or potentially just a number in their viewer count and just another person also known as “nobody”
For the longest time, I have been shaking and dealing with a massive burnout with being inside of Information Technology areas, or how I’ve heard it was called the tech sector.
I have been wondering where did it all start out? why do I feel this way?
2000 – 2007 & 2011-2012,
It started with LVN the company I once worked for, when I was doing so many multiple hat roles from System Admin, Network Admin, InfoSec, Help Desk, and End User Services. I worked hard and long hours a lot and got little to nothing to show for it with little to no appreciation and always I was mentally and verbally abused when things don’t go there and it was way that was out of my control or when I question them and their methods.
2007 – 2009,
I tried doing the whole outside end user services being a Managed Service Provider, did well but the economy crashed. I also had alot of home drama that took place.
2009 – 2011,
I moved to Redmond Oregon where I partnered / merged with Redmond Computers also known as eOndeck only to be working hard and long hours and burning my unemployment savings just to live and when I asked for my share I was held against my will and pushed out of Oregon that experience taught me how to own my own business but with that whole held against my will situation really killed my confidence as a person even tho I am 10x much better than proclaimed as I have proven myself with accomplishments in the tech sector joining the casino world. But even with that success comes a toll, a toll that making me feel even more burned out and always on the verge of quitting and just go back to something simple.
2012 – present,
Casino wise: contract to hire where my hard work was earned a place inside the casino.
When hired upon in 2014, promoted 3 times in that year from level 1 -> level 2 -> level 2 vip. It was great for that kind of feeling knowing you are you and your team see you for you and not just another tech.
Then moving to IT Security as an Engineer for Patch and Vulnerability management, the custom scripting and building stuff on the fly can be fun but being punished and being tossed under the buss often for words not spoken to unknown stuff I didn’t know, in the ‘lack of communication’ and it has a reverse effect on me.
Knowing my passion for Infosec is there has always been there, without my influence with LVN, like if I never applied and got the job in 2000 aka if I never joined, they were most likely have been compromised for many years later and who knows how bad their customer data would have been compromised.
The partnership with Redmond Computers, (eOndeck). My infosec influenced to this company to know and teach others basics of Cyber Security 101.
My influence with the casino is knowing what is bad for security (Cyber Security 101) and calling them out. This helped me alot with climbing parts of my success in promotions but became a stalemate when I joined a new team.
I think what really helps with my burn out is this statement I had a long time ago and it was repeated a dozen times as “Just another computer guy”. I always hate this statement with a huge passion because I am not being recognized for my hard work and this is where I feel that I just want to give up as I don’t want to be just that another random stranger when I try my hardest not to be.
Thoughts I’ve had was to quit the whole information technology and tech and just become a mechanic or something else to even flipping burgers at McDonalds to really give up all together. My passion has been with infosec for a long time it became a part of my life and living.
Yeah, sure maybe I am equal to the power ones out there like Linus Tech Tips, but I never wanted to be on the spot like them. I have always pushed that kind of thing away because I never wanted that label to be placed upon me.
So overall, I am not just looking for a job, I am looking to be a part of a team, almost like a professional family. Where I would be recognized and I could be encouraged to recognize the ones around me.
Hi there,
How are influencers created? To be frank anyone is an influencer, all you have to do is anything that would give meaning to another. It can be as simple as get out of bed and go someplace.
Influencer is nothing more than a glorified seller, in many ways most if not all are there just to sell what they deem profitable and / or successful into making them in essence successful.
Influencers are content creators just in a blind eye what shows to be good is too good to be true. Like for instance a boom in a community and name and is in all means to use that success to profit from but not directly and using that fame to become successful. As once thought we where on the same team is more like teams with in a team.
Another anology, twitch is filled with “Global Gym Purple Cobras” as their leaders. Dwight Goodman is the leadership of twitch They are not as good as you think they are, and their appointed leaders are nothing good to look at either. I mean on TPB, the whole Twitch Source and Datadump is right there and it’s rich with juicey information from how their IT works, how they planned cyber security oh heck one tool they seem to be building was for scanning for rouge add-on’s with the twitch api, you know something I found in 30 minutes of my time that was plaguing twitch for over 6+ months. GoLang, Ruby strong code, alot of automation tools etc..
I just witnessed a contradictory that happened on twitch by content creators to protect an iconic name and change the outcome of one. Names will continue to be nameless and what it was all about, overall it’s just one of them things you know. Even tho they will never read this, they technically used people like me just rope in a number count, I am nothing more to them as a number as they create this prison. Because I am not famous in anyways I am nothing to them.
Simply put that I know I don’t exist to them I am still a mod for a few of these who give the impression I still give a damn. I guess I am just another number to their count, until the day they need a mod and I am the only one online and doesn’t respond is when they will decide on who stays or goes.
Just many thoughts, but anways not to justificate myself. I have came to the conclusion, not that I will quit twitch in anyway. I am just simply removing twitch from my stream time. I can’t maintain the viewership especially the times I have dedicated myself to for the past year. I offer more than 2/3 of the partners out there and my personality is 10x better than alot of partners out there.
I guess you can say, it’s time I am just tired of being a number to people, my Ideas \ Projects get stolen and taken from me. If I can’t get recognized for the work I’ve seriously put in then I have to be done. I have wasted my life and time here it’s time to move on and I am done being a number for a number of the Global Gym Elite Crew.
Anyways, I am going to be on DLive and Youtube only starting Nov 1st.
I am back on DLive and I have learned alot more to the system than I thought.
A new experience: What happened was I got a slot on the front page of DLive and from there I learned that anyone at any time will be selected as long as you do not have the mature / x-tag enabled. This is a random thing in favor of the small streamers giving them visibility.
What scared me the first time? the whole political right wing and other non-sense but most of that was removed since they where banned for live streaming the raid on the cap. hill back in jan.
Here is a pro’s list of DLive as in it’s current state.
Pros:
Cons list:
The stream so far is becoming a much better experience this time around. I have my Niche on Twitch, but it’s over saturated network. It’s own users has became the feel of a “regal” like system amongst themselves when they achieve said partnership or higher standards.
The way twitch is being these days / years, Dlive just needs that boost from a community and be able to sponsor it’s viewership to go up. They can’t just keep getting a rebound system going they need that boost even if it’s a gaming company to boost it, it is atleast something. This is a company owned by Rainberry, INC. the ones who started BitTorrent.
If I become a partner on this platform… Then I will one day just stop streaming to twitch as it is useless to me at this point. My twitch partner is unlocked, but I got no help to make it happen as my applications gets denied due to viewership numbers.
DLive I don’t need that help, I can do it on my own and it is much easier.
