Well I am going to cut some stuff out of my life and go down my path (unless another catastrophe happpens aka another shutdown, a war that actually involves my life, another death in the family, etc…)

Revisiting the CCNA – 200-301 for a critical backup ceritifcation and a potentially a career path changer as a temp solution till I go down the cyber security engineering path.
I can’t afford to live and learn certifications and such so I have to use what I know and take the certs. CCNA has been on hold due to financial reasons, a death and pandemic.

It’s time to move forward.

The quest to keep me away and far away from LVnet as a backup is my goal, unless they take my offer as an CISO I actually want nothing to do with them anymore.
When I work for them, my confidences drops, my self worth feels less than a KMART employee.. and this is caused by the bad management of it’s staff and how they treated me for over a decade with false promises. If I can’t be seen as an equal than I want nothing to do with that kind of toxicity.

Hi there,

More thoughts today as it continues on.
I advertise that I am open for stuff, I offer and in due time I do fix things for people as requested.

I grew up hard in poverty, I struggled in poverty and I am still trending the poverty line and about to sink back into it, I am struggling to stay a float.

I do everything I can to make a name, like for instance I offer services from Graphic Design, web design and stuff but no one cares and they higher others who isn’t struggling like I am. I offer custom computer building (been doing so for over 20 years), and they reach out and have someone else do it. I see this stuff from people who I call friends and I still don’t know why I still do?

Here I am about to hit the unemployment line and / or homeless shelter as the world keeps increasing their prices on everything and I can’t make enough to keep at it. I am sinking and as long as I am not going anywhere with my business I am toast as things increase even more I can’t keep this up anymore.

I keep applying for better paying jobs that takes me away from my current role and different environment as I keep dreaming that one day I’ll see an increase boom of services / sales. But it’s been over 20 years of pushing, people like redmond computers who stabbed me in the back and pushed me out of Central Oregon with holding me against my will (sadly this was my only success I’ve ever had business wise). I almost made a successful business practice.

It just hurts you know.
I know I do an amazing job and offer an umbrella of services that I’ve placed into different catagories:
RavenPC -> Custom Computer building since 1999… (my dream was to do my own version of Alienware before dell bought them out) Believe it or not I still have a few clients who call me to build them a new system.
DorkMedia -> Graphic and Web Design since 2003, been somewhat in limbo but still have a few clients.
WRNet: -> This used to be an irc network circa 1999 – 2003 ish, with digital underground network, r00tabega and other networks at the time when IRC was the biggest thing. for IRC I still hang on genscripts.net as this is still an co-underground project that started with mIRC custom scripting in 1999.
WRNet:sec -> Broke away my Managed Services and Cyber security here was once apart of RavenPC as an al-a-carte and all since 2019.

2009 – 2011 I had a partner ship with another business model for ravenpc that ended up being redmondcomputers from central oregon, the owner horded all my money and when I questioned it, he stabbed me in the back and I was pushed to vegas and almost had to fight for my rights with a huge legal battle that got null and voided by 2012. Because of this trauma I’ve also have been struggling mentally with my confidence

I just guess in the end, I am apart of communities that should have acknowledged that I exist and know that I do these things as a service, to these communities I’ve became just a name or potentially just a number in their viewer count and just another person also known as “nobody”

For the longest time, I have been shaking and dealing with a massive burnout with being inside of Information Technology areas, or how I’ve heard it was called the tech sector.

I have been wondering where did it all start out?  why do I feel this way?

2000 – 2007 & 2011-2012,
It started with LVN the company I once worked for, when I was doing so many multiple hat roles from System Admin, Network Admin,  InfoSec, Help Desk, and End User Services.  I worked hard and long hours a lot and got little to nothing to show for it with little to no appreciation and always I was mentally and verbally abused when things don’t go there and it was way that was out of my control or when I question them and their methods.

2007 – 2009,
I tried doing the whole outside end user services being a Managed Service Provider, did well but the economy crashed.  I also had alot of home drama that took place.

2009 – 2011,
I moved to Redmond Oregon where I partnered / merged with Redmond Computers also known as eOndeck only to be working hard and long hours and burning my unemployment savings just to live and when I asked for my share I was held against my will and pushed out of Oregon that experience taught me how to own my own business but with that whole held against my will situation really killed my confidence as a person even tho I am 10x much better than proclaimed as I have proven myself with accomplishments in the tech sector joining the casino world.    But even with that success comes a toll, a toll that making me feel even more burned out and always on the verge of quitting and just go back to something simple.

2012 – present,
Casino wise: contract to hire where my hard work was earned a place inside the casino.
When hired upon in 2014, promoted 3 times in that year from level 1 -> level 2 -> level 2 vip.  It was great for that kind of feeling knowing you are you and your team see you for you and not just another tech.

Then moving to IT Security as an Engineer for Patch and Vulnerability management, the custom scripting and building stuff on the fly can be fun but being punished and being tossed under the buss often for words not spoken to unknown stuff I didn’t know, in the ‘lack of communication’ and it has a reverse effect on me.

Knowing my passion for Infosec is there has always been there, without my influence with LVN, like if I never applied and got the job in 2000 aka if I never joined, they were most likely have been compromised for many years later and who knows how bad their customer data would have been compromised.

The partnership with Redmond Computers, (eOndeck). My infosec influenced to this company to know and teach others basics of Cyber Security 101.

My influence with the casino is knowing what is bad for security (Cyber Security 101) and calling them out. This helped me alot with climbing parts of my success in promotions but became a stalemate when I joined a new team.

I think what really helps with my burn out is this statement I had a long time ago and it was repeated a dozen times as “Just another computer guy”. I always hate this statement with a huge passion because I am not being recognized for my hard work and this is where I feel that I just want to give up as I don’t want to be just that another random stranger when I try my hardest not to be.

Thoughts I’ve had was to quit the whole information technology and tech and just become a mechanic or something else to even flipping burgers at McDonalds to really give up all together. My passion has been with infosec for a long time it became a part of my life and living.

Yeah, sure maybe I am equal to the power ones out there like Linus Tech Tips, but I never wanted to be on the spot like them.  I have always pushed that kind of thing away because I never wanted that label to be placed upon me.

So overall, I am not just looking for a job, I am looking to be a part of a team, almost like a professional family. Where I would be recognized and I could be encouraged to recognize the ones around me.