Hello! And welcome to another blog post.
This is September, so I turn 41 and I couldn’t help but to reflect these past 20+ years.
How I am just nothing but a failure on anything I’ve set myself out to do.
I started with wanting to build a video game and I’ve pivoted into a black hat, that pivoted into a software pirate and at one point I took over an ISP that got me to pivoted into a working class from there, turned white hat and in a pivoting moments of my career.
I started WRnet as a community with in one day to open up my own place for not just an arcade, but a hackspace for anyone that wanted to learn and get into cyber security and or any field of IT in a more relaxed environment and potentially an incubator for small businesses to blossom in time.
I also started RavenPC, as both a PC Repair and start my OWN brand of computers that had preloaded slackware linux on them and promote and teach people how to use linux in replace of Microsoft Windows and this including Linux gaming rigs. I went as far as going to Central Oregon to start up this business only to get stabbed in the back and my idea was tossed aside because of someone else was beyond greed and thought to profit on my work to a point I was Held against my will one day because I helped a friend with their website behind their back.
I picked up Dorkmedia because I was inspired by AndMedia picked up bumfights and such back in the early 2000’s I wanted to rival them but that was an utter failure. To this day it’s my pivot point for webhosting / web design and more that gets ignored no matter how much I market it.
In many ways, I feel like I am banned from the internet itself or any type of business or any type of business opportunities.
Every time I do a pivot to change a point in my life to start up something, it always results in a failure and I feel like.
I am at a point where I could focus on building a video game and starting small like RPGmaker and build my story over again from the original comic book idea. But until I leave this casino job, I got no time on my hands and no motivation to do so.
I can’t go back to work for an ISP, because they cannot afford to take on a risk and bring me in because of the way I used to be before. Can’t blame them as they have told me before I was worth only Min. Wage and took advantage of that for a long time as I built and sharpen my skills with IT and Cyber Security with them as an Network & Server Admin, Cyber and InfoSec monitoring, development and implementation. I helped architect and build their framework of their internal network since I started with them and to this day it remains the same just with more people.
This time, I only asked if I could come in and put together a whole infosec / cyber security part of their ISP. I never once asked for money in doing so, never nor less I was shot down by the owner’s pride. I worked for the ISP twice from 2000 – 2007, returned 2011 -> left 2012. That was a pivot point I wanted to follow down the path to or at least I could have been contracted for such things to sling shot myself out. I shouldn’t have tried because every time my feelings get hurt even when the owner shows somewhat of a friendship towards me, to his eyes I feel I am just cheap labor and my dreams is nothing but a waste of time and apparently money too. I am just done pivoting so I figured I’d try this ISP one more time before I give up completely but I have tried and it was shot down so now we move on.
In 2012, I pivot to work in the casino’s where I felt it was a huge mistake, most it has done was shown me a way to believe in my self confidence levels again as I have had nothing but metal abuse from the ISP owner, My ex-wife, my ex-business partner in central oregon. I learned a new meaning of self-worth and became better with myself and honed my skills even more to a point I finally found my focus in life.
I can keep pivoting around, but until I get some type of help, I am nothing more than a “street rat” and only thing that is keeping me afloat is a casino job where the mental abuse returns in a different form surrounding the casino politics and back stabbing employees who benefit from others without doing their work while the blind continues to lead the blind and get paid for it.
And here I am about to turn 41, second birthday without my best friend to talk to. I am in that point for a new pivot in life. I want to stop pivoting and just go from here and grow with my own community and build my framework and move up with my own. But I feel like my next pivot isn’t going to be a good one because I am on the verge of quitting my casino job already after 6+ years as I just can’t take the abuse anymore.
How can I not pivot anymore? I offer services that I often spam and tell others but only to see them buy things from others and I get totally ignored from. If no one supports me, how can I grow? How can I be seen? I was born on the streets I never got that privilege of money and investments to make more money.
Still thriving as I have been around for 20 years+ and trying at least. My pivot back is now trying to build a community with streaming on twitch part time, trying to get to that point where I can apply for partnership turn this into an online resource not just for gaming but for Slackware knowledge, hacking knowledge and so on a place we all can share and relate in various different ways especially our hobbies. But I am feeling a pivot from this as well as it’s not doing anything but help my self confidence to talk to people again.
On that note, the TL;DR. been going at this for over 20+ years, I am tired of pivoting and dealing with the mental abuse of others, I need your help to make this dream a reality.
WRNet: -> this site
DorkMedia -> Web design, hosting, eCommerce etc…
WRNet:Sec -> InfoSec and Cyber Security
RavenPC -> Computer Brand